Now, who can top this?..

What's the most embarrasing thing that had ever happenned to you? Crapped in your pants? Went to an interview with a whole in your pants? Wet the bed? Well... it's not embarrasing if no one notice. If you got the job, who cares.

What I'm about to write has been what's the most embarassing thing that ever happened to me (to date ..heheh). It's true. I do not make this up.

If you feel like peeing, please stop reading and go 'kench' now. You have been warned.

Picture this. You're going to a concert that you have looking been forward to. You dress up for the occassion. You accessorized (for gosh sake!). Your friend notice you put on some make-up (well.. had to, to cover the sudden attack of the monster zit).

You do feel a bit queasy..maybe it was something you ate.... or maybe you started to feel tired after half a day of Extreme Shopping ...but hey! nothing will stop you from going to this concert. You have been counting every second for the past weeks for this. Tickets, check! Camera, check! Wallet, check! Zit under control, err...tapi boley la, check! Jom, let's go!

The concert was a blast! Your got superb seats! Concert started on time. The sound system was kick-ass! The singer did everything that you thought she would do. It's all good. 3/4 of the concert... here comes that queasy feeling again. This time you notice that your head is pounding to the sound of the bass on the speaker. Nah...you can't be sick. Heck, you can still get up and konon groove to the music (Ya right). You must be hungry. In between of the cheering and clapping, you secretly fantasized - a good nasi goreng cina. Yummm.

The concert was over. But not your headache which by now has scaled up 10 times than an hour ago. You summoned your inner chi..or what's left of it. You still have it under control. You thought you can walk it off. Fresh air might do some good.Huk huk huk..

By now, your headache has displayed its evil self on your face. There's a saying, muka dah macam tapai basi. That's you. That's your face. You just thought, let's get out of here. So you agreed to board the bus.

If this was a movie, the audience would be able to look back and say.. "Noooo, you should have not board the bus". Or perhaps they would rewind to 10 minutes before, when your friend went to the toilet and you refuse to follow because you choose to summon your inner, screwed-up chi.

" Damn it girl.. you should went to the toilet tadi"

If you only knew...

So now, you're on the bus. Your chi level is depleting by the second... yet, you still have the strength to answer the mat salleh sitting in front of you. Let me describe the seating charts.. so that the story that follows would make a better sense. Imagine, bus Intrakota.. at the front of the bus, behind the driver.. the seats are place parallel facing each other. A few seats after that, the seats will start to be in the normal 2 by 2 rows. You are seating in the first seat of these 2 x 2 rows. Next to you, is an apek listening to god knows what on his MP3 player. In front of him, is the mat salleh and his friends. Your friends are sitting 2 rows behind, maybe.. near the door.

The mat salleh, felt that you would know where Hard Rock Cafe is.. (perhaps by deducing that you're partly dress to go there :P), asked you which is the nearest stop to get there. You said sorry, you're not local and don't even know where this bus is heading. So he turned and asked the apek next to you..."Perhaps you would know which stop it is nearest to Hard Rock Cafe, sir?". What the apek answered was maybe perhaps that sealed the deal... He asked back " You want to go coffee shop is it?". Ha ha.

But wait.. this is not a story about the apek. He's just a mere sub-plot.

The Mat Salleh was not satisfied with his answer, got up and asked other mat salleh in the bus pulak. And you should thank your lucky stars for it. (Ya, Right!)... Remember your queasy feeling? It's now bubbling up and felt like it will explode any second. By now, the bus is full with people standing.... The bus came to a sharp corner and you saw that the bus driver practically did a maut corner baring... You swayed a little... lost your concentration a bit there... and here it comes... Blurpp... you threw up in your throat... Oppss.. inner chi.. innner chii.... too late....

Blerrghhhhh.... half of your stomach content.. is on your baju... dripping down to your favorite jeans, soaking thru your underpants. And suddenly your headache cleared and reality struck. It struck hard. YOU ARE ON A PUBLIC BUS FULL OF PEOPLE, and YOU HAVE JUST BARFED ALL OVER YOURSELF!

OMG!

The apek next to you fled the scene. Thank you very much.. or maybe it was his stop. Who cares.

The HRC Mat salleh still talking to his mat salleh friends. Far from the mess.

The crowd next to you parted... there's this one nyonya.. scrambling to get you tissue. Which at this point, what's the use. You could just wipe your hands on your jeans and dab your mouth on your sleeves.. No one is going to be any wiser. Nevertheless, thank you nyonya. You took the pack of tissue anyway.

Your friend appeared next to you.." Eh, what happen to you? Jom la turun sini"

Thank you again to the nyonya for being your PR representative "She's not well..." she answered on your behalf.

Without turning back, you jumped down the bus.

No idea if your vommit actually hit the floor or the bus seat coz you think most of it was on you. Sorry la apek driver. You still remember his happy face.. as if saying to himself yeay.. this is the last trip. After this going home already. Perhaps he's not smilling anymore now.. knowing that he needs to clean up the puke at the end of his shift. To the people on the bus, sorry from the bottom of my heart. I did not meant it to end this way.Hehaw.

One look at you, your friend said.."Beb, I'm sorry.. but this is so funny. Aku nak gelak"

"Yes.. I know.. aku pun nak ketawa jugak.. just that I can't bring myself to it. Damn it, for this.. I get all dressed up. Poyo sial!"

-------HAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHA burpp....

HAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAAHHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAH-------

Eh, but wait. Where the heck are we? Shit.. stop apa ni? Here comes the next adventure.

"Nak naik teksi ke?"

"Eii I don't think so.. I smelled mcm lori sampah ok."

"Ok jom la kita jalan.. macam dah dekat je ni nak balik hotel. Aku tanya direction sat"

A moment later...

"Ha dia kata.. jalan terus... then belok kanan"

And walk we went...

"Beb.. aku rasa kita mcm prostitute, jln mcm org gila tgh mlm buta ni"

"Hahahah.. takde la.. sebab kita mcm cheerful aje..."

... And walked further we went

"Eh ni building apa ni? Kat mana ni"

"Ha, sat tgk map ni... where the heck are we. Eh ni building jurisdiction ke apa jadah tah ni"

"Ha.. ni tadi church tu.. kita kat sini la.. so mcm mana eh"

"Eh mcm salah je ni beb... I say we went that way"

"Eh tak la.. mcm sini je"

" Sat cuba tgk building kat sana tu.. familiar tak? Ada ke hotel ni dekat hotel kita"

"Mcm takde je..."

... Ok, jalan je la lagi...

"Beb, aku serious rasa org kata kita mcm pros siut..Sial la mesti orang kat bas tadi ingat aku dah minum tak ingat dunia.. pastu tetiba hangover."

"hahahahah mana ada..."

"Eh, beb... sat.. aku rasa aku nak muntah lagi la...Nak muntah kat tong sampah tu"

"Pergi..pergi cepat"

.... there goes the other half of your stomach content. By now, perhaps the taxis that was whizzing by probably thinking, look at that drunken pros! vomitting by the roadside. Tak malu! Celaka la kau.

.... ok I'm good, can continue with the journey...

"Eh ni building apa pulak.. aku tak pernah jumpa pun"

"Eh, beb belakang kita ada polis la.. cuba kau tanya"

..here comes the cop.

"Kitaorang nak jalan balik hotel kat Arab Street"

"Hah? Nak jalan sampai Arab street... mcm jauh je. Tak pernah dibuat dek orang"

..well, orang pun tak pernah muntah dlm bas agaknya. Tonite, nothing is impossible!

"Takpe la.. you jalan terus ni, lepas tu 2nd traffic light, belok kanan...then terus lagi. Tapi jauh ni tau. Nanti ada bus stop naik la bus ke teksi"

..... so we came to a bus stop

"Eh aku give up la.. jom naik teksi"

...nasib la ada teksi nak berhenti...rupanya mcm jauh la jugak nak sampai situ. Dalam teksi, tu tetiba ada bus berhenti sebelah teksi tu. Baru terperasan, shit.. there's a camera showing the whole fricking bus for the driver to see. Damn it Malik. Mesti driver tu tadi nampak... Damn it again, they definitely have a tape of me barfing in public.

"Beb, aku rasa by now.. muka aku dah ada kat YouTube la..shishhhh"

... alhamdulillah, sampai jugak kat hotel. Campak semua baju2. Balun 2 biji panadol terus tido... pukul 4 terjaga..sbb there's Josh Groban blaring on the TV. Then ada Celine Dione pulak nyanyi Because You Love Me...best pulak.. Half way thru Murder She Wrote, dozed off till morning.

So...

Concert ticket - SGD 80.00

Bus Ticket - SGD 1.20

Vommiting in public - Priceless??!!

... I don't bloody think so! Expensive ada la. I had to sent my clothes to laundry the next day. Tak pernah2 aku hantar laundry kat hotel. Even after the laundry, I may need to write off my jeans coz the stain mcm tak hilang je. The box of panadol cost SGD8 .. would you believe that? In this country, spitting in public pun dah kena fined SGD500. Just imagine vommiting in public? Mau kena hire the entire YB Puchong's clan to defend me. Hah.

For whatever it's worth, nasib semuanya selamat lepas tu. You know when you are super excited and looking forward to something esp going on holidays, you can't help to have a nag in your feeling that something will go wrong somewhere. Well, I was worried about forgeting or losing the tixs.. or someone might lose her phone again. Hahahahah never did I thought THIS will happen instead. Though.. someone almost lost her phone again. Nasib ada orang beriya-iya kejar kitaorg and pulangkan.

So apa pengajarannya?..
1. I might have developped gastric. I'm used to have 3 meals a day and loads of snacking in between.

2. Tah-tah ada pork dlm salad that I ate at 5 pm... that's why la tak diterima badan. Or maybe the salmon in the salad has gone bad.Ark.

3. Maybe aku dah penat sangat kot. Tu la shopping tak ingat dunia. Ha sape nak ikut aku shopping lepas ni.. jaga-jaga. heheh

4. Lain kali if dah pening tu.. force je la muntah. Sighhhh

My sister asked.. kau tak ke muntah dlm plastic bag. Eh, Rokiah - kalau aku tau nak muntah, jgn kat plastic bag.. aku beli baldi siap2.

Akhirkata,

To dearest Ngantukalways - dunno la what to say. Sorry to spoil the plan to go to Mustafa that nite. Thanks for doing all the talking and getting us back to the hotel... and buying the panadol. Jangan la menyesal jalan dengan aku eh. Serious shit, it will only happen with me. Hahahah bawak Jiben pun tak drama macam ni. And yes.. thank you for not laughing to my face. There you have it, a story to tell your grandchildren. Nah, have a field day writing in your blog... tulis la apa kau rasa nak tulis, gelak la apa kau nak. Akak tak marah uols!

Why does it always rain on me?

Is it because I lied when I was 17?

-Travis-

...Now, who can top that?